Here we go! The second half of the season upswing is on with my second consecutive 70+ point week, now I just need to keep climbing. The state of my team was dire, so I decided that it was finally time to let go of that wildcard and its worked out quite well, with 73 points bringing me back up to rank 557,540. I’ll give a rundown on my new squad.

Goalkeepers

Dean Henderson: 10 points

After months of absolute goalkeeper-induced misery, it felt so good to spike a transfer. Hendo played out of his skin and collected 3 bones, which is something I hope to enjoy over the next two weeks before I’m forced to ship him due to the blank. I do actually believe he is the best keeper England’s got, certainly a step above Pikko.

David Button: 0 points

He didn’t play. Nor will he. Sad to see my loyal servant McGovern go, but this 0.1 saving was too sweet to pass up.

Defenders

Trent Alexander-Arnold: 6 points

He’s back. I always planned on bringing him back, but I really should have never lost faith in him. Never again.

Joe Gomez: 6 points

A clean again from the cut-price clean machine. The run of fixtures and Mane’s injury has convinced me double defense is the way to go, and nobody provides better value than JoeGo.

Jamaal Lascelles: 6 points

The final piece in my squeaky clean backline, its been quite some time since I’ve had one of those, and it feels so good. Newcastle actually conceded a shockingly high xG in this game so he will mainly be on my bench methinks.

Jack Stephens: -1 point

I have high hopes for this lad, as he was my Lundstram replacement. It hurt to get rid of him, but he just isn’t viable if not nailed. Good luck Jacko.

Brandon Williams: 0 points

He didn’t play. Of course he stops playing when I get him. That’s typical. I’ll shift some funds to beef him up for the doubles.

Midfielders

Kevin De Bruyne: 2 points

I am beginning to hate Tottenham more than any other club. Both fixtures were an absolute farce, City absolutely hammered them and they score 2 goals off three shots. The red card really cut the legs out from under us.

Riyad Mahrez: 2 points

The addition of my new city midfielder was not great, with a shutout. City have now failed to score in back to back games for the first time under Guardiola. Am I going to be reasonable? No, Captain Mahrez this week lets go.

Mohamed Salah: 16 points

This week was really divided by one thing, Mohamed Salah. Those who owned and captained him were flying, and those foolish Mane holders really suffered, with about 50 points between the two over the last two weeks.

Anthony Martial: 2 points

Tony Gloves. It was my ‘punty’ pick, as hes now the last standing attacking outlet for Utd. It backfired a little bit as he was, by far, the worst player on the pitch against Wolves. I’ll give him a few weeks before I bin him again.

Isaac Hayden: 1 point

Annoying. I benched him, but he got subbed at 57′, which cost me two points. No idea why but I hope this doesn’t continue.

Forwards

Jamie Vardy: 2 points

Once again, my frontline was minging. Vardy however had a good underlying stats base and was denied a pretty clear assist. He really isn’t rewarding my loyalty, any time now lad.

Raul Jimenez: 2 points

I cannot believe I sat all the way through that awful game against United, it was one of the dullest affairs I’ve seen since Soton v Swansea two years back. Jimbo was a huge part of my 14k ranking last year, so he is now here to stay in my side.

Danny Ings: 2 points

Dings please. Score again. I’m sorry I bought you. Please.