Another gameweek has come and gone, and for once this means a green arrow for me, albeit a small one. This week I finished 9 points above average, on 63 points, which gave me a 50k green arrow up to rank 744,508. Funnily enough, I was ten below average last week and dropped 200k. After all the benchings of this week i’m very surprised the average ended up being so high, I guess many Vardy captain/ KDB vice captains found joy. These fixture pileup is getting as bad for me as it is my players, so this weeks write-up will be somewhat brief as well.

Goalkeepers

Vincente Guaita: 3 points

Very annoyed. Palace set up with a parked bus for the entire game, and the clean sheet plus bones looked secured until a comedy error from an unnamed clown gave Soton their only chance of the game, which Danny Ings put away. It’s insane how many goals he’s just been gifted by opposing teams this season. Guaita actually outperformed Gazza, so for once I’m not that tilted about my transfer. I do need a double clean soon though.

Michael McGovern: 0 points

Didn’t play.

Defenders

Martin Kelly: 2 points

I am now naming the clown. He spoiled what should have been a straightforward clean and has been an absolute bust since coming into my team. Clean against Norwich or else.

Jetro Willems: 1 point

Once again, worthless. Terrible one point performance when I start him. On the bright side, my thought-out transfer plans and my rage transfer line up, so goodbye you absolute wasteman.

John Lundstram: 0 points

One of many unexpected benchings, his was due to picking up an injury. I wasn’t going to play him against City or Liverpool so I’m not too upset.

Caglar Soyuncu: 0 points

This one I’m upset about. Fraud Brendan Rodgers decided to bench 9/11 first team regulars and absolutely decimate my team. He still won the game so he didn’t get punished for his fraudulence. I’m fuming.

Diego Rico: 1 point

I did’t want to play him, but he came off the bench. A very standard Rico one pointer, but I heard that he was close to an assist in this game.

Midfielders

Kevin de Bruyne: 14 points

Sensational. Goal and assist from the midfield maestro. He’s reaching his unplayable level of form, and if anyone can claw City up to champions league glory this season, its him. He’s already on 12 assists, so I think it’s safe to say the record will be his this year, especially now that Aguero has returned to finish his chances.

Sadio Mane (C): 11 points

A great haul! One game-winning goal and max bonus plus a clean sheet point is nothing to scoff at. During the game however, Salah looked more like the danger man. I’m just happy for once that making the swap between them actually worked in my favour.

Leander Dendoncker: 1 point

Kind of annoying, to see him subbed in the 58th minute. You couldn’t have waited two minutes Nuno?

Dele Alli: 1 point

He took shots and had a somewhat wide position following the Son ban, but all in all not a great performance, especially against a team like Norwich. Who really deserved a win at the weekend.

James Maddison: 1 point

The second of my three Leicester players to be benched. At least he was given a pity ten minute cameo, so I could field a full team.

Forwards

Tammy Abraham: 7 points

Wow! Tamela actually scored! It was really at the death of the game, and he got pretty lucky, although he took the goal well. Don’t really want to hold him since he was crap all game leading up to that.

Marcus Rashford: 9 points

RASHHYYYY. Another goal scored at the absolute death of a game, this time in the 95th minute. It seems like Martial is the main man rather than him, and he is reverse out of position, but he’s doing too well to drop. Just wait ’til the penalties start rolling in again and he’s gonna be flying.

Jamie Vardy: 0 points

The third of my three Leicester players to be benched. He was off enjoying the birth of his child rather than getting me fantasy points. Unbelievable. What a fraud. Congrats though, you better have the new child bounce and score a goal. I’m capping you.