Finally, my luck has turned and some joy has returned to my life. Gameweek 10 was a banger, with a huge amount of my players, including some of my differentials, going off like a rocket. I finished this week with a huge score of 72 points, which sliced my overall rank in half! I’m now comfortably sitting at 335,038, with two free transfers in the bank. I’m gonna go over my players performances one by one to evaluate how they did, and for once I think i’ll be dishing out a lot more praise than criticism.

Goalkeepers

Paulo Gazzaniga: 8 points

My boy! My darling boy! What started off as a crazy punt paid off big time, as Gazzaniga had an all time great goalkeeper performance. He banked an insane 12 saves against Liverpool, the highest since the infamous David de Gea against Arsenal game, and managed to take all 3 bonus points despite conceding 2 goals. I’m so proud of my boy, he really deserves to take the starting spot from the disasterclass that is Hugo Lloris.

Michael McGovern: 0 points

Didn’t play.

Defenders

Trent Alexander-Arnold: 1 point

A score that really doesn’t line up with his performance. Trent’s delivery was spot on all this game, and were it not for the aforementioned heroics of Gazzaniga, he could have walked away with multiple assists. The yellow card really was just a cherry on top though. Probably the second best crosser of the ball in the Premier League after Kevin de Bruyne.

John Lundstram: 2 points

Unlucky. Another solid defensive performance from Sheffield saw them concede only one goal. I’m not too upset, since I benched him this week, but I’ll be giving him a start next week with a home game against the impotent Burnley.

Nicolas Otamendi: 0 points

Didn’t play. I have no clue what he’s done to offend Pep so badly, besides his god-awful performances week in, week out. City have now kept two clean sheets on the bounce, with no involvement of Otamendi. Were it not for Fernandinho’s red card ban, I would ship him out, but I do think he will be given the start against Southampton. After that though, in the bin you go.

Diego Rico: 5 points

You cheeky bastard. Somehow, Bournemouth have managed to keep back to back clean sheets!

It may have been a bit of a fluke, but he has once again looked good. Before his yellow, he was en route to 3 bonus, once again. Dare I say it, he’s a season long keeper for me.

Caglar Soyuncu: 6 points

I, like many others, was swayed by the statistic that Soton have managed to score in every home game, and benched the Soyboy. Obviously, this did not happen. Luckily, Otamongi didn’t get a minute and Caglar subbed in. On the day, he was solid as ever, and is a comfortable starting option in my team for the upcoming gameweeks.

Midfielders

James Maddison: 8 points

Speaking of Leicester… They were imperious on the day, smashing a record 9 goals in against Soton. Madders was very un-involved, playing in a deep role while players like Barnes and Tielemans ran riot. He lined up for a late free kick, and you just knew it was going in before he even took it. I was initially considering selling, but I think he can still turn good. If not, Barnes at 6.0 looks awfully tempting.

Mason Mount: 5 points

Not the most involved today, but still a good performance for a cheap option like him. Those who swapped him for CHO were quickly punished, as he didn’t return a single point this week. Chelsea conceding 2 in the last 5 minutes was somewhat worrying, glad I don’t own any Chelsea defenders and I only had to lose one point.

Mohamed Salah: 7 points

He finally did something. He scored a pen, and got subbed off due to an underlying ankle injury. Hopefully this isn’t anything too serious, but we’ll see in the midweek fixture against Arsenal. His yellow flag has been taken off which fills me with some optimism.

Kevin de Bruyne: 6 points

Some will say Kevin was robbed of a goal. To those people I would say “haha you idiot shoulda capped sterling!!1!”. Truth be told, it seems like David did get the slightest of touches on the ball, but Kevin claiming it as an assist in the post-match interview was really the nail in the coffin. He already has 9 so far this season, it seems inevitable that he will take that all time assist record once and for all.

Raheem Sterling (C): 11 points

Obscene Raheem! My streak of atrocious captaincy shouts has come to an end, with a single goal haul from the English winger. The reclassification of Kevin’s goal also allowed him to steal all three bonus points. He’s back on form now, and has a very tasty home fixture against the Swiss Cheese Southampton defense, so it seems like he will once again get the armband.

Forwards

Mason Greenwood: 1 point

It seems like the boy is regressing. Only 15 minutes played this week, mainly due to the return of Martial. I’m still rooting for you Mason, now that you dropped to 4.3 it seems impossible to ever get you out of my side.

Teemu Pukki: 2 points

Okay i’ve been nice for too long, and my forwards are bringing the vinegar out of me. Another absolutely worthless performance from the Finn, at home no less. This is 5 weeks in a row he does this. I have well and truly had enough of his shit. Goodbye. Twat.

Sebastien Haller: 2 points

Oh Sebastien, I had such high hopes for you. I knew what he was capable from his time in the Bundesliga, but my lord have you let me down. Two assists since I signed you four weeks ago is just unacceptable, and I will be getting some catharsis from removing you and your fraudulent Finnish friend from my fantasy football team. Twat.