My misery compounds. A terrible Gameweek 8 was followed by a two week break from the never ending beat-down that is FPL, which left me happy and optimistic for the oncoming Gameweek 9. How naive. A historically low scoring week, the lowest since 2015 I’ve heard, left me with a whopping 39 points, which gets knocked down to 35 after my -4 hit. This brought my rank down to a meager 747,983. Lets take a look at what went wrong.

Goalkeepers

Paulo Gazzaniga: 2 points

Well after my first top 6 goalkeeper backup experiment failed so badly, I decided to boldly do it again. As you can see from the 2 points, it didn’t work. He has Liverpool next so i’m not too optimistic of points, but that 4.4 price was just too good to resist if Spurs get their shit together.

Michael McGovern: 0 points

Didn’t play.

Defenders:

Trent Alexander-Arnold: 2 points

The young lad was once again outshone by his more experienced Scottish counterpart. Liverpool succame to their typical Old Trafford nerves, conceding a goal on the counter to Marcus Rashford. Trent’s delivery was somewhat off this game, but he started to look more like himself in the closing minutes.

Caglar Soyuncu: 2 points

I was told that Rodger’s teams are not very defensively resolute. I did not listen. It was only one goal, but Burnley generated an xG of 1.80 to Leicester’s 0.83, so they were lucky to get away with a win here. Nonetheless, I’m happy with Caglar and will continue to start the lad for these good fixtures.

Nicolas Otamendi: 0 points

Surprise Surprise, City finally keep a clean but Otamendi wasn’t even in the squad. Supposedly due to a knock obtained over the international break, but he ran out for the side in the midweek game versus Atalanta, so we know he’s fit. If he doesn’t start this weekend, I think he will be shipped out.

Diego Rico: 8 points

Leg. End. Otamendi gave way for the cheeky Spaniard, who managed to keep a clean and pick up two bonus. The highest scorer on my team and the reason my red arrow wasn’t too painful, this man has earned a place at the front of my bench.

John Lundstram: 6 points

Speaking of off-the-bench legends, John Lundstram, take a bow. A clean sheet against the free scoring Arsenal is no easy feat, but Sheffield actually have the tied best defense in the league, with only 7 goals conceded. Lunny himself is now the highest scoring defender in the game. Perhaps its time I go back on my word and just commit to starting him every week.

Midfielders

Mason Mount: 3 points

Well the man isn’t an out-an-out goalscorer, and Chelsea didn’t look all that impressive this weekend. He had one good chance but he shanked it. One interesting option did emerge, in Callum Hudson-Odoi, who registered yet another assist. Perhaps there is a swap in his future?

James Maddison: 2 points

Another new addition to my team, Madders, returned absolutely nothing. His underlying stats were quite promising, as he rocketed off 5 shots and laid on 2 key passes for his teammates. Apparently, he was playing through injury, making him a doubt for Fridays clash with Southampton. Please no.

Raheem Sterling: 5 points

Raheem is back. Yes, he only returned one assist and got a yellow, but this is all eye test baby! He was taking a huge number of shots and getting into dangerous areas, lets just ignore his terrible finishing. He banged a hatty against 3rd place Serie A side Atalanta, who conceded the least shots in their league. This fills me with so much confidence that I’m switching the armband to him for the Aston Villa fixture. Prepare for a benching with a 5 minute cameo.

Kevin de Bruyne (C): 3 points

This one hurt to watch. A STONEWALL penalty was denied again due to VAR being unwilling to overrule on-field referees, which cost Kevin an assist. Jesus selfishly took a shot while Kevin was wide open in front of the net, costing him a goal. This was immediately followed by an excellent header hitting the inside of the post then bouncing out. He’s dangerous and he’s class, but this was a week to forget.

Mohamed Salah: 0 points

He didn’t play! Not too mad though, as it got Lundstram off my bench and Salah is historically wank against the top 6. I may just switch him to Mane soon anyways, he’s been off the boil for a few weeks now.

Forwards

Teemu Pukki: 1 point

The Pukki party is over. The Pukki afterparty is also over, yet he can’t seem to get the hint and leave my team. I’ve always had bigger fish to fry but I long for the day when I can just kick him into the sun.

Sebastien Haller: 2 points

Haller was useless this week, and he’s been useless most weeks that I’ve owned him. It seems like Hammers really cannot set him up properly, and his creativity isn’t really clicking for them. Another potential sale/ fire to put out in my team. Only time will tell.

Mason Greenwood: 0 points

Once again, I can hopefully write about little tiny baby Greenwood, grafting hard to get his first two point haul! Not happening this week, he didn’t even get on the pitch. Better luck next time!