I guess two consecutive weeks of happiness was just too much to ask for. This week, most of the blame for my misfortune lies at the feet of the bald fraud himself, who needlessly blocked 14 points from coming off my bench. I finished up this week with a score of 55 points, which was still 2 above the overall average, but led to a significant drop back down to 499,232. I have one free transfer and all I know is, Otamongi has to go. I’ll be looking at all of my players individually to assess their performances.

Goalkeepers

Paulo Gazzaniga: 2 points

This one was a bit tragic. I had the misfortune of actually watching this game, and my god was it dull. It hardly looked like anything would ever happen, then the shock horror ankle break occurred. This led to an excessive 12 minutes of added time, in which Everton inevitably scored and stole my clean.

Michael McGovern: 0 points

Didn’t play.

Defenders

Trent Alexander-Arnold: 7 points

Oh how I wish he had blanked. Once again, Liverpool manage to pull some bullshit out of the bag in the very last second, which is exactly the type of behavior that wins titles. This one was an excellent Sadio Mane header off a Trent corner. TAA has been a creative powerhouse this season, and will likely remain in my team for the foreseeable future.

Caglar Soyuncu: 14 points

Those 14 points on the bench haunt my dreams at night. Whatever I do, I feel no respite from their haunting presence. Another rock solid performance from Leicester saw the Soyboy bang in a header, while remaining fairly unchallenged by the Palace attack. I should have just started you. I apologize.

John Lundstram: 21 points

Pretty good I reckon? Lunny is a king, a don, a g and a real one. With two goals, a clean sheet and max bonus, he records the single highest gameweek score of the season. He is the true essential player, who arguably should start every single week. I believe he has already eclipsed the phenom that was Wan-Bissaka of last season, and is the greatest 4.0 player of all time.

Nicolas Otamendi: 1 point

I have had it. There is only so much fraudulence I can take. Another clean sheet by City, that Otamendi takes no part in, because he is inexplicably benched. FINE! I’LL JUST TAKE SOYUNCU’S POINTS OFF THE BENCH. OH WHATS THAT? A 93rd MINUTE SUBSTITUTION FOR NO REASON? LOVELY!

Cheers Pep, I’ll never forget this.

Diego Rico: 6 points

Okay who could have realistically predicted this? Three consecutive cleansheets for the leaky cherries, taking 3 points off of Manchester United, further compounded my misery and increased the total score of my bench to 21 points. That is a season high for me, maybe even a career high. Just take a deep breath.

Midfielders

Kevin de Bruyne: 2 points

On another day, he could have hauled. Like perhaps when they played this exact same fixture 4 days prior. But of course not, City conceded early and spent the entire time chasing the game. Not a noteworthy Kev performance, really hoping for a masterclass against Liverpool, we could really use it.

Raheem Sterling (C): 2 points

Captain Fantastic! Oh Captain, my Captain! A wonderful performance from Raz saw him getting absolutely nothing, except for a yellow. This really reflected how poor City’s overall game was, but Sterling in particular was off the boil. That being said, there were two opportunities in which Aguero could have finished reasonable chances that would have gotten Sterling an assist. I’m far too loyal to ship him out, but I know he’s going to have his bi-annual nightmare performance against Liverpool next week.

Mason Mount: 1 point

Another 1 pointer! Very pleased to see this! He had a good shot off in this game that was saved excellently by Ben Foster, so I wont hold this game against him. I just hope he goes back to his scoring ways soon.

Mohamed Salah: 2 points

Crap. Just crap. An uninspiring performance led to him being hooked early, leaving no significant impact on the game. This seems to be quite the trend now, with his Senegalese counterpart pulling up trees in the meantime. I am so incredibly tempted to make the switch, even though there is very little separating them points-wise. I just need to get rid of this man.

James Maddison: 6 points

I’m of two minds when it comes to the diminutive Englishman. When watching games, he plays so deep and only enters the box well after the urgency of the break is over. On the other hand, he is so lethal from set pieces, and Leicester has a lot of tall boys to head them in, that it seems foolish to sell him. The double up with Vardy could be fruitful over the fixture run, but I am tempted by his more direct and cheaper teammates in Harvey Barnes and Tielemans.

Forwards

Aaron Connolly: 2 points

A little disappointing, as Brighton absolutely clobbered Norwich on xG, but Connolly only managed to get 0.17 from his 4 shots. I can’t be too mad, as he is so incredibly cheap and this was just a cheeky punt. Oh well, back to the bench you go!

Jamie Vardy: 6 points

This transfer paid off. Kinda. Haller had another one of his classic 5 point hauls, but I believe its still a net positive for the two new boys. A tidy finish keeps Vardy as the premier league’s top scorer, and will most likely be my captain next week for the home fixture against Arsenal.

Mason Greenwood: 1 point

I’m still patiently waiting on that two point barrier to be broken. It will happen one day, just not this day, as he only played for 10 minutes. Until he proves that hes capable of 60 minutes of football, he will unfortunately remain nailed to the third slot on my bench.