Last week I said things couldn’t get any worse… and for once I was right! A step in the right direction, I saw a green arrow for the first time in an eternity this week. Finishing on a respectable 64 points, I went up 310k ranks all the way up to 770k, still a far cry from where I want to be though. I’ll be looking at all of my players individually to judge their performances this week.

Goalkeepers

Adrian: 2 points

It was a tad optimistic to expect a clean sheet away against top 6 opposition, but it nearly happened, were it not for a Kante wonderstrike. Anyways, Adrian played well during this game and his confidence is growing, I sure do hope he will get me some discount cleans before Allison returns.

Michael McGovern: 0 points

Didn’t play.

Defenders

Trent Alexander-Arnold: 7 points

Banger! TAA rewarded me with a goal this week from a free kick which he absolutely Martin-Luther-Pinged into the top corner. Somehow he still managed to avoid getting any bonus points, but this man is basically a winger in disguise.

Nicolas Otamendi: 15 points

From calamity to champion in a week! City ran riot this week, and Ota managed to grab a goal, assist and clean sheet for a monstrous 15 point haul, which would have been quite the dagger to my heart if I decided to give Zinchenko some patience, as he wasn’t even in the squad this week.

Lucas Digne: 1 point

A few weeks ago I was singing Digne’s praises from the rooftops, now I’m seriously considering selling the man. An absolutely shambolic performance from Everton saw them lose 2-0 to newly promoted and notably goalshy Sheffield Utd. With the sort of results Everton are putting up, even if Digne chips in with the occasional assist his current price looks ridiculous.

Caglar Soyuncu: 2 points

Leicester took a top four scalp this weekend, and Soyboy was solid as a rock in the backline. Were it not for a very well taken Kane goal, he would have probably walked away with a clean and 3 bonus. At least I’m not kicking myself for benching him this weekend, and I’ll probably be giving him his first gametime in my squad next week.

John Lundstram: 12 points

Again, I eat my words. This man toys with my emotions like no other. Last week I swore to always leave him on the bench and play the attacker, now the first week I do he bags a clean, assist and max bonus in the 2-0 drubbing of Everton. Still think I made the right choice on paper, but as we know football is played on grass.

Midfielders

Mohamed Salah: 5 points

After being somewhat frustrated with my 2 point captaincy haul last week, I went to ol’ reliable Moham. He was useless. Literally just tapped the dead ball that Trent banged in to grab an assist and was otherwise invisible. Still wont stop me from captaining him next week.

Raheem Sterling: 0 points

He didn’t play. When the bald fraud benches my captain, he gets subbed on for 1 point. When he benches other peoples captains, he gives 2 players their premier league debuts and allows them to get a massive vice captain haul. I’m not salty or anything.

Kevin de Bruyne: 17 points

The aforementioned vice-captain of others that haunts my dreams. Man City violated the Geneva convention on Saturday afternoon, putting 8 goals past a hapless Watford, and the ginger prince was pulling all the strings. He had two assists, a goal and max bonus. The man already has 7 assists in 6 games this season, surely he will break the record of 20 assists in a season this year.

Matteo Guendouzi: 4 points

I like him. He’s a cheeky little player and was bossing it this weekend. He had a shot off the post and drew a pen for a nice FPL assist, can’t really ask for much more from my bench fodder. Actually, I could ask him not to get a yellow but that would just be ungrateful.

Todd Cantwell: 2 points

A grim performance from Norwich following their inspiring victory against Man City. I’ve said it many times but Turf Moor is one of the absolute worst places to go to in the premier league. Burnley held a compact defensive shape and Norwich didn’t get a sniff in all game.

Forwards

Ashley Barnes: 2 points

Another blank from the big “Austrian”. Somewhat frustrating that he seems to have lost his nose for goal as soon as I got him in, but I’ll be giving him a bit more of a chance before I get rid. His partner in crime finally found the back of the net this game, twice, without any involvement from Ashley. Brilliant.

Sebastien Haller: 2

Speaking of forwards who have lost all of their goalscoring ability since I brought them into my side, Haller has given me yet another blank. Although to be fair to him, It was against the statistically defensively strong Manchester United side. I’m really hoping he turns it on next week, or my 3-4-3 swap on wildcard will end up being quite the gaffe.

Teemu Pukki: 2 points

As previously mentioned, Norwich were quite impotent this week. Teemu was well marshaled by the Burnley backline, it seems like the canaries may only be good against top sides that allow them to hit on the counter, similar to Wolves of last year. I’m not leaving the Pukki party anytime soon though, that’s for sure.