A terrible gameweek. I was truly punished this week, for keeping the faith in once ‘reliable’ assets. All the hard work of my last three weeks of green arrows was undone as I finished on a paltry 46 points, 3 below the overall average. This led to a 140k drop all the way down to 410,529. I’ll be discussing the performances of each of these clowns in detail to discover what went wrong.

Goalkeepers

Paulo Gazzaniga: 2 points

I didn’t expect a clean here, so I’m not too mad. Unfortunately, it seems like I made a bad choice with him in my side though, and I will try to pivot to options like Guaita or Ryan soon, this unrelenting onslaught of two-pointers must come to an end.

Michael McGovern: 0 points

Didn’t play.

Defenders

Trent-Alexander Arnold: 3 points

What the actual hell. He got an attacking return and ended up with 3 points. The two goals conceded, along with the frivolous yellow, really cost him in the end. Maybe I just shouldn’t have a Liverpool defender at all, they have been outrageously wank this year.

John Lundstram: 1 points

Turns out that a shithouse Steve Bruce masterclass was too much for Chris Wilder’s champagne football to handle. In what should have been the easiest of easy home bankers, Sheffield were put to the sword. A bit of a VAR farce with the second goal, as all of the Sheffield backline stopped playing when the flag was raised.

Caglar Soyuncu: 5 points

Back to being squeaky clean once again. Although, he did get a yellow so maybe just pretty clean rather than squeaky. Keep going Caglar lad you’re one of the few that I can actually rely on.

Diego Rico: 9 points

I am untethered and my rage knows no bounds. Taken off at the 53rd minute, with a clean, and full BPS. Of course, he is nailed to my bench. He could have saved me.

Jetro Willems: 6 points

I hate this man. I might sell him out of pure rage. I buy and field him for two easy home bankers, double blank. I bench him against MANCHESTER CITY and the rock-solid Sheffield, double returns! Absolute wasteman.

Midfielders

Kevin de Bruyne: 3 points

Manchester City were back to their best against Burnley, really attractive football and a thumping scoreline. Somehow, neither Kev nor Raz were among the goals, but I just think the way they played is a good indication of things to come.

Mohamed Salah: 0 points

I am at a loss for words. I treated him with nothing but loyalty, when every other player in this game swapped him for Mane, I held true to the pharaoh. This absolutely screwed me. For no reason, whatsoever, he was rested, again! Meanwhile, Sadio Mane goes on a rampage and almost single-handedly derails my season. I just can’t do this anymore. Rage transfer. Begone from my team vile man.

James Maddison: 10 points

My knight in shining armor. Were it not for his 96th minute banger, I truly would have been lost. These ten points probably kept me in the top 700k, and for that I will be forever grateful. I can’t believe I thought of shipping him.

Heung-min Son: 2 points

Once again I am punished for backing the previously reliable asset, Alli hauls and Son blanks. But Son has been good to me in the past, So I will assume he can pick up form soon.

Mason Mount: 6 points

Mason got a yellow, Mason got a goal. His drought ended, right when I was thinking of shipping him out. Maybe he has earned a few more weeks in the Wolf Pack.

Forwards

Jamie Vardy (C): 5 points

A bit infuriating. He was hacked down, for a stonewall pen. But no, not given and a yellow for diving to boot. Then he got another pen. Which he put away. That could have been a 12 point haul.

Raul Jimenez: 2 points

His underlying stats were good, but a blank against the hammers was not. This is yet another differential that has let me down. Seems a bit harsh, but I could not resist low ownership Tammy. Goodbye and thanks for all the fish!

Mason Greenwood: 2 points

WOW! I think Ole is reading this blog. Mason is handed his first ever Premier League start, against Tottenham Hotspur no less. He took one low xG shot the entire time and nothing else so he was basically just out there running, but good on ‘ya Mason, keep it up!